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Hidden Selves & Setting Goals

Updated: Dec 22, 2021

If you watched the video Why Change Can’t Happen At Home you might be feeling inspired to take some time away from your day-to-day life and head out on an adventure in order to make some changes to improve your life at home. However, before starting a journey like that you need to make sure that you set a clear goal.

Traveling to new places, learning new skills, and meeting new people, challenges us to see the world in new ways. To question our place in it and to dig deeper into our true selves. But your personal goal is not outside of yourself. Changing your environment may feel like an adventure, but it is what these new environments show you about yourself that is most important...


If we look at most stories, The Hero’s goal is usually to find an object in order to help the world (or their world). This is often an object of great power, perhaps a character's uncle is sick and they need to find a cure or even the elixir of life to save him. For you, it might be something less legendary like a new job or to fall in love with someone who treats you right.

However, the real point of the journey that any character goes on, is not really to find this object. This prize is actually a catalyst that is set up to reveal something important about the character - the character's flaw. Usually, the reason the character doesn’t have their prize already is that there is something they need to learn about themselves which is getting in the way of their success.


Let’s imagine that a member of a biker gang has secretly always dreamed of being a ballet dancer. This biker gang member loves to twirl and pirouette but he thinks that dancing around in leggings will mean that people will think he’s gay. He starts to go dancing lessons in disguise and completely in secret, but when he lands the lead part in a west end show he has to make a decision between telling his gang he loves ballet or quitting his dream. He is the only person now standing between him and his prize. His real goal is to become brave and to stand up for what he really believes in.


Perhaps there is something getting in the way of you finding a new job or falling in love and you can't even see what it is. Often it's pretty easy for us to see why other people have problems when they can't. It's pretty frustrating to watch someone else go through that, but what if that someone is you and you just don't realise? This is the real reason for you to go on a 'hero's journey' - to face the things that are holding you back from making the right choices and achieving the things that will make you happy. It's not going to be pretty, but it is the only way to win your prize!


Our flaws are connected to our fears, our pride, our expectations, and our laziness. If you want to go on a journey to do a bit of soul searching and make some changes in your life you must identify these flaws and face them head-on in order to grow. If you don’t identify your flaw in time, it's likely you won’t find what you were looking for. But, what’s worse, there may be something else in the future, something you want much more to complete where this flaw will win once again.

When we recognise our flaw, we recognise our enemy and only then can we make a plan to defeat it.

We may already suspect things about ourselves that we have not yet discovered. You may believe deep down you are brave but suffer from anxiety attacks. You may believe that deep down you are a great leader but lack the confidence to speak up when a leader is called for. You may believe that you have the perseverance to achieve all your goals but have not found the challenge to get your teeth into. All these things, you can prove to yourself once you set out on your journey but, you first must recognise them as your goal.

So what is your goal? And can you recognise your flaw already?

Write down your goal and keep it in mind as you travel. When you talk to other people about it, think about the language you use. Are you making excuses for achieving it? Are you being unrealistic? Selfish? Or just aren't willing to put in the work? There will come a moment when you see the wood for the trees and you will understand what action you must take in order to win your prize. Until then the open road awaits....

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